keep it pushing.

i was low key feeling like i put myself in an awkward position by spilling my feelings but nonetheless i'm still the driver of my destination. sometimes we crash but we don't always get hurt. so with that said, although NOTHING is going to come from this - i enjoyed the ride. =)

regrets

if through our travels we get separated, never forget - in order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets. HOVA!

saturday.

If you've ever given yourself, completely, to someone and had your heart broken, then you must know how God feels.

poison.mp3

You're just like poison and I don't get it.

How can something so deadly feel so right?

I'm not sure what to do it's a catch 22 -

cause the cure is found in you

I dont want it but I do.

You're just like poison

My affliction, I'm addicted I can't lie.

Kiss me one more time before I die.

Word to my mama, beyonce wrote this song for me (no homo). But seriously, I swearrrr this song relates to my current ordeal.

the narrow path.

as a christian, i've always been taught that i'm supposed to be an example. the light that i possess is supposed to illuminate so others can see the christ in me. often at times, i feel that my light dims with every mistake that i make - then i realize that i'm human. although, that's no excuse and shouldn't be subsititued when i do wrong. i dont use is habitually - just saying. i don't always walk the straight and narrow and if i'm supposed to lead by example i have a lot of work to do. i sometimes tend to forget that as a young adult, growing in christ, god will allow certain things to happen to test your strength and faith. there's many a multitude of times when i wanted to give up but i held on. i'm still holding on.

the future.

the future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty. word.

loud sigh.

i've been meaning to stop by here for some days - but i just can't find the time. besides the constant roller coaster of indecisiveness, life is grand. well....overall life is grand but in retrospect there are aspects that can definitely improve. i was told the other day by a co-worker that i was "living" - i would rather not explore further but i'm having WAY TOO MUCH CARELESS "fun." I guess that goes without saying. brrr.

Currently, I'm...idk...not in like with this guy but he's cool. I was talking to one of the bestfriends about what was going on and she believes that I'm swimming in that ol river - TheNile (denial). I beg to differ. I'm well aware when I have feelings for someone and for him - it's one of those "it is what it is" situations. I haven't felt so careless in a while but I suppose I'm burnt out on the ups & downs of the dating game.

Trying to get it together,
april nicole <3

it reads:

seemingly, the hardest thing to do is take your own advice. granted, when you know better you do better but that's a process - you have to want to do better. wrong seems right sometimes but it AIN'T in the end. ha, where is all this when you REALLY need? Hindsight is 20/20.

some things goes without saying. i summed up my current situation in a facebook status. im doing better.

simple things.

usher said it best, "it's the simple things in life we forget." true story. as i sit here i was thinking about how guys tend to overdue it. honestly, i'm not pressed for a relationship - not even thirsty for a boyfriend. i'm good. BUT on the contrary, i wouldn't mind having someone to talk to. simple, right? wrong. seems as though the guys that in some form of fashion "express interest" just don't get it. i'm not in the race for the title as wifey, actually i'm far from it. i don't want anything from you - just a little conversation but i suppose that's asking for too much. *sighs*

school & work is kicking my butt. i needed a break like yesterday.

sunday.

i try to periodically "better" myself and carry out the things i plan on changing. i've told myself that cursing and the random use of the "n" word will be prohibited. this begins tomorrow. honestly, i think this will be a challenge. at any given moment or at the slight chance of anger i will ricochet bullets of foul words from the tongue - but again like any other challenge i'm empowered to win at all costs. well, all positive costs.

for sometime now, i've been realizing that i do a lot of things for myself, my own approval. i realized that before i would do things and base the outcome or how i felt about it on what others thoughts that's null and void now. i'm straight on that. i'm living for me, that's actually pretty um....overdue i suppose.