touch the sky.

There comes a time when you must stand alone. You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams. You must be willing to make sacrifices. You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved. Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged. There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities. Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better. Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by. Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.
final aspiration: touching the sky.

conversation.

i'm insanely attracted to guys that i can hold a conversation with - not watered down - "did you watch tv today" but real conversation. i'm at times more talkative than i am observant but i guess it depends on the situation. i guess there's some sort of equilibrium with my observance and talking. whatever. i was thinking about mr. ideal and although i find it most difficult to adequately and correctly describe what i like without fumbling here and there, conversation remains in the top 5.. i actually detest describing what i like because it makes me appear shallow but hey preference is preference...to each his own, right? right...

I was thinking that I somewhat say that i prefer texting over talking but in a sense that only applies to those that don't interest me. some people are better texters than talkers and vice versa which may be somewhat sad. technology has taken over the world. remember when there was nothing but house phones? but whatever. i'm a bit tired and famished.

peace,
april.

wow, well...

where do i begin? i always fought hard to separate business and friendships. although, friendships sprout from business it's terribly hard to incorporate the two. today, i believe i lost someone over miscommunication. any hard feelings? definitely not. life goes on. i'm most passionate about my craft and i don't take it lightly. so, in the event that someone tries to come between me and my business they're put in a lose-lose situation. it won't work.

i do believe that i'm one of the most giving people but at the same time i have to learn to stop being so selfish. i know that's somewhat contradicting the previous statement. that's neither here nor there. i guess. i've talked about THIS situation so much today that it's drained me emotionally, well not directly. i guess. i doubt that the person reads my blog but in the event that he does: - i talked about you badly today, although i don't regret what happened - i apologize for a few of the words that transpired- i can come off a bit arrogant at times and i'm working on me but at the same time before you TRY manipulate people you should definitely check you. you spent so much time focusing on "me" that you neglected to see what YOU were doing. YOU used our friendship as a crutch to help you paddle on. i'm sorry but i'm not the gullibe little girls you're used to dealing with. you met your match. but such is life. game over.

yzr.

so, i've noticed that i have high-highs and low-lows. when i'm happy, i'm really happy. when i'm down, im really down. i should work on reaching some sort of equillibrium. i reached the conclusion that i was better off single but i hurridly dismissed the through of being single for the rest of my life. i understand that you have to lose some before you win and you don't win them all. i guess, i should back up a little and discuss what happened... so as usual, i was getting to know someone. i mean things were mashed potato smooth... we talked, texted everyday. then we finally kicked it. i guess somewhere between the walk in the park, the meal, the movie and the ride back home something went wrong? i thought things were cool. so the next day, i decided that i wasnt going to be the first to make communication...ha. so i waited all day, and he finally texted me. score, right? wrong. i guess the play i was running went wrong and it back fired because we don't text/talk at all now. i'm not really tripping. we had a lot in common but i'm a firm believer in what's meant to be, will be. i always say, it's funny how life works out. good things fall apart so better things can fall together. so all in all, i decided that i couldn't let small things get to me. i'm done whining over spilled milk. i lost one. so what? they're thousands more. ;)

peace,
april nicole. <3

thursday.

undergrad is coming to an end and im partially happy but the other part of me is a bit scared. college is definitely a breeze compared to the real world. i've allowed myself time to mature in a few aspects but there's definitely some areas that require a little more growth. nonetheless, i'm ready so to speak. i guess. today has been a bit of a blur for me, i took one of my last finals and i'm not sure how i did on it. i studied but i don't think i gave it my all. i have one more final tomorrow that i'm a bit iffy about as well, i've been studying since about 6 or 7 ish but yet i dont feel like it's sufficient. i'm going to call it a night in a few and get up early to finish studying. i have a two day break then school starts back on monday. yeah, grinding! ;)

life's life.

where to begin? i've been on this emotional roller coaster, not really...but i've been playing back and forth with a few guys. why? because i keep trying to convince myself that having someone is better than not having anybody. yeah. but....75 percent of my being doesn't believe that so as webbie says, "she rather be alone than have em' playing with her feelings.." for the last past few days i've been deleting numbers left and right out of my iPhone only to add them back or find someone to muster up small talk with. yeah, it's pretty sad. but whatever, i'm maintaining some sort of equilibrium....or i'm trying to. outside all of the fickleness of relationships, school is about out and i couldn't be happier.

on a totally different note, a few weeks back i performed at kasual korner. you're wondering, wtf is kasual korner? well, the Kappas at my university host this event called kasual korner....and it's like a laid back atmosphere for poets, singers, rapper (non-hardcore) and so on and so forth. so for sometime, i've been composing a piece that i've been anxious to perform and sooo i told myself that i would. as nervous as i was, i got up, walked to the stage and delivered. i didn't deliver as i wanted too but they felt it. so i was happy. as long as people were like hot shit april, hot shit. i was all gooood. i went in with no expectations because it was either pass or fail and at the rate my heart was beating i sure though i had failed....but at the end i got so many hugs (....yeah) from people liking my shit. now. i'm far from a poet but i does what i does. lol. anywhoo, i wrote this out of pure boredom and i know i jumped topics like shit. but now it's time to maneuver away from this computer and study for these finals.

peace and prosperity,
april <3