art imitates life;

keep it pushing.

2009-11-10T01:14:00.003-06:00

i was low key feeling like i put myself in an awkward position by spilling my feelings but nonetheless i'm still the driver of my destination. sometimes we crash but we don't always get hurt. so with that said, although NOTHING is going to come from this - i enjoyed the ride. =)

regrets

2009-11-10T00:56:00.002-06:00

if through our travels we get separated, never forget - in order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets. HOVA!

saturday.

2009-11-07T15:53:00.003-06:00

If you've ever given yourself, completely, to someone and had your heart broken, then you must know how God feels.

poison.mp3

2009-11-04T00:57:00.003-06:00

You're just like poison and I don't get it.

How can something so deadly feel so right?

I'm not sure what to do it's a catch 22 -

cause the cure is found in you

I dont want it but I do.

You're just like poison

My affliction, I'm addicted I can't lie.

Kiss me one more time before I die.

Word to my mama, beyonce wrote this song for me (no homo). But seriously, I swearrrr this song relates to my current ordeal.

the narrow path.

2009-11-02T13:04:00.002-06:00

as a christian, i've always been taught that i'm supposed to be an example. the light that i possess is supposed to illuminate so others can see the christ in me. often at times, i feel that my light dims with every mistake that i make - then i realize that i'm human. although, that's no excuse and shouldn't be subsititued when i do wrong. i dont use is habitually - just saying. i don't always walk the straight and narrow and if i'm supposed to lead by example i have a lot of work to do. i sometimes tend to forget that as a young adult, growing in christ, god will allow certain things to happen to test your strength and faith. there's many a multitude of times when i wanted to give up but i held on. i'm still holding on.

the future.

2009-11-02T13:00:00.000-06:00

the future belongs to the few of us still willing to get our hands dirty. word.

loud sigh.

2009-10-31T01:11:00.002-05:00

i've been meaning to stop by here for some days - but i just can't find the time. besides the constant roller coaster of indecisiveness, life is grand. well....overall life is grand but in retrospect there are aspects that can definitely improve. i was told the other day by a co-worker that i was "living" - i would rather not explore further but i'm having WAY TOO MUCH CARELESS "fun." I guess that goes without saying. brrr.

Currently, I'm...idk...not in like with this guy but he's cool. I was talking to one of the bestfriends about what was going on and she believes that I'm swimming in that ol river - TheNile (denial). I beg to differ. I'm well aware when I have feelings for someone and for him - it's one of those "it is what it is" situations. I haven't felt so careless in a while but I suppose I'm burnt out on the ups & downs of the dating game.

Trying to get it together,
april nicole <3

it reads:

2009-10-14T10:54:00.003-05:00

seemingly, the hardest thing to do is take your own advice. granted, when you know better you do better but that's a process - you have to want to do better. wrong seems right sometimes but it AIN'T in the end. ha, where is all this when you REALLY need? Hindsight is 20/20.

some things goes without saying. i summed up my current situation in a facebook status. im doing better.

simple things.

2009-10-07T01:03:00.002-05:00

usher said it best, "it's the simple things in life we forget." true story. as i sit here i was thinking about how guys tend to overdue it. honestly, i'm not pressed for a relationship - not even thirsty for a boyfriend. i'm good. BUT on the contrary, i wouldn't mind having someone to talk to. simple, right? wrong. seems as though the guys that in some form of fashion "express interest" just don't get it. i'm not in the race for the title as wifey, actually i'm far from it. i don't want anything from you - just a little conversation but i suppose that's asking for too much. *sighs*

school & work is kicking my butt. i needed a break like yesterday.

sunday.

2009-10-04T23:54:00.002-05:00

i try to periodically "better" myself and carry out the things i plan on changing. i've told myself that cursing and the random use of the "n" word will be prohibited. this begins tomorrow. honestly, i think this will be a challenge. at any given moment or at the slight chance of anger i will ricochet bullets of foul words from the tongue - but again like any other challenge i'm empowered to win at all costs. well, all positive costs.

for sometime now, i've been realizing that i do a lot of things for myself, my own approval. i realized that before i would do things and base the outcome or how i felt about it on what others thoughts that's null and void now. i'm straight on that. i'm living for me, that's actually pretty um....overdue i suppose.

respect.

2009-09-30T12:54:00.001-05:00

Want to be respected? Try to hold your tongue as much as possible. Always remember: "The strong stays quiet while the weak causes riots"

daily inspiration.

2009-09-22T01:02:00.002-05:00

missing out.

2009-09-21T00:07:00.003-05:00

i was perusing facebook earlier via iphone and the comfortableness of my bed. [lazy] & came across a past love interest. his status was saying that he's thankful for his current gf. i believe i got a little salty. maybe because when we were "dating" - things seemed to be a constant roller coaster ride & i could never tell which direction the wind was taking us but in the end - we didn't get far. and i guess to know that he's happy with someone that's not me makes me a little envious. not of her - but what they have. im missing out.

a lot of people go to college and find their husband/wife and shit - i'm still on this never ending journey. at one point i was happy with someone. exceedingly happy - in love and the whole nine but it fell apart. why? maybe the distance? or the ideal that both of us was TOO much alike and at the end of the day - i guess the cliche of opposities attract proved to be right. or maybe we didn't fight for the love? but shouldn't it be easier? idk - but it's confusing. i tell myself that i wholeheartedly loved this guy but it was easier to walk away. and i sometimes tell myself that maybe we didn't love each other the way we said we did - or what not. but whatever - that's neither here nor there anymore. we kind of fell all the way off. i miss him at times. o_O

on another note, i miss the companionship. the comfortablenes of being with someone that doesnt judge you and someone to openly talk to without feeling like you're cheating yourself. you know that "he loves me flaws and all" type love - i'm waiting for that. until then i'm praying to the man above. yup.

sorry for the rambles.

april nicole. <3

pardon me.

2009-09-13T16:14:00.003-05:00

pardon me.....i had to laugh at that.

so a few days back some ingenious person created this list that was composed of indirect blows at various people from schools in northern Louisiana. now, as i read it - some things tickled the funny bone [even the one about me] - yes, i made this list. i'm sure some of the people that were included may have been offended because some things were indeed offensive but on the other hand - i had to laugh. growing up, i've probably been the butt of many cracks and jokes and guess what, i've joined in laughter with the best and worst of em'. when you're comfortable wth yourself - the thoughts of others are next to none. i've accepted my imperfections and i embrace them.

streetlights.mp3

2009-09-05T20:46:00.002-05:00

Let me know
Do I still got time to grow?
Things ain't always set in stone
That being known let me know
Let me

Seems like street lights glowing
Happen to be just like moments passing
in front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fares
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

All the streetlights glowing
Happen to be
Just like moments passing
In front of me
So I hopped in the cab and
I paid my fare
See I know my destination
But I'm just not there

im good.

2009-09-02T01:16:00.002-05:00

i believe i've managed to low-key piss off one of the guy friends. not intentionally. if there's something that i refuse to tolerate is someone to play with my feelings and someone to blatantly lie to me. so, HE texts me today on some he misses me crap - first things first i aint trying to hear it. i've always believed that actions speak louder than words and his actions don't match the word play. so um miss me with that. i dont need it. then he goes to say sometimes words are actions. lol. dude, what? so yeah, i deleted a few numbers today. didnt need that dead weight lingering on anymore. =) other than that, i'm good. real good.

yup yup,
april nicole <3

mutual addiction.

2009-08-28T00:57:00.002-05:00

i want someone that's mutually addicted to me. i've read somewhere that the person that loves the least controls the relationship. i won't deny that. usually the one that loves the hurts the hardest too. crazy much? but seriously, i believe that there is a divine opportunity that you'll meet someone who will be mutually addicted to you; im waiting for him.

patiently waiting,
april nicole <3

sunday.

2009-08-23T13:38:00.003-05:00

if there is light in the soul,
there will be beauty in the person.
if there is beauty in the person,
there will be harmony in the house.
if there is harmony in the house,
there will be order in the nation.
if there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world.
---ancient chinese proverb

better.

2009-08-17T01:40:00.003-05:00

when you know better, you do better. it gets difficult to abide by what you know because it seems much easier to take an alternate route. for sometime now, i've been noticing that i don't practice what i preach in all aspects of life. i take short cuts and from such i've been cut short - BUT like i said when you know better you do better, im trying.

peace,
april nicole <3

...blown.

2009-08-16T02:55:00.002-05:00

to say that i'm livid, would be putting it lightly. niggaz ain't shit. no i take that back, that's bitter. i'm a little upset. i thought that with age you grew wiser - you matured, you keep it real - but i suppose that a few missed the memo. so, hopefully as this new spectrum of realness arises niggaz grab hold to some of it and put it to use. until then, just leave me be. i can do BAD all by myself. damn.

just me.

2009-08-14T03:55:00.003-05:00

never frown; you never know who's falling in love with your smile. =) cliche' but it's the truth. i find myself smiling a little more everyday. i've always been complimented on having a nice smile, so i smile. i've also been told that smiling makes you THAT much more attractive. be happy; live happy; move happily and always remember happiness is a direction not a destination.

live inspired,
april nicole.

buddha.

2009-08-13T01:54:00.001-05:00

Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.

poppin'

2009-08-11T23:57:00.001-05:00

okay the title has no relevance at all with the contents. but uhh i realized today - well i actually peeped game long before but umm this holding of the grudges that i participate in has to stop. so, i've officially 86'd that. life's too short to be anything but happy. so, i smile and piss em' off a little more. yzr.

bruised.

2009-08-09T20:49:00.003-05:00

like all scars or bruises, in time they'll heal. i only believe that the way that this bruise got here is what hurts the most. i'm alright. i'm good.

here i am....again.

2009-08-08T19:03:00.002-05:00

life can bring us through many changes, just dont give up, know that; it's gonna be alright, people come and they go, it's just the way that it goes, everything is everything. it's alright.